Today I learned a valuable lesson from the lyrics of punk rock songs.

Today I learned a valuable lesson which I will now share with you via coded eye-winking.

Today I learned a valuable lesson; if the guy on the infomercial looks like a snake oil merchant, he definitely is one.

Today I learned a valuable lesson which the rest of you already knew but never told me. Bastards.

Today I learned a valuable lesson which has doomed me to a life of professional atavism. No, not "activism"... "atavism".

Today I learned a valuable lesson that would break the heart of any person who wasn't Dolph Lundgren.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that challenges its own existence... TO A GRUDGE MATCH! THE GLOVES WILL BE OFF!

Today I learned a valuable lesson but I had to give up my happiest memories to learn it.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that makes me want to love again... JUST KIDDING! HAHAHA!

Today I learned a valuable lesson about do {cout<< "endless loops."} while (1=1);

Today I learned a valuable lesson that I should have learned tomorrow because I was not yet ready to learn it.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that offends polite society. Huzzah!

Today I learned a valuable lesson which will bring ruin to the wise and the wealthy.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that requires three geodes and a mining canary to fully demonstrate.

Today I learned a valuable lesson on behalf of the Acclimation and Redemption League of the City of Council Bluffs.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that cannot be expressed in words, pictures or feelings. It is inscrutable.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that was stolen from me by a cat-burglar ninja girl who only wanted to feed her ailing mother.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that only makes sense as a punchline to terrible jokes. Luckily, I know lots of terrible jokes.

Today I learned a valuable lesson from some Yakuza. On an unrelated note, some of my fingers fell off due to... uh... leprosy. Yeah...

Today I learned a valuable lesson from The Count on "Sesame Street". ONE valuable lesson! Ah Ah Ah!