Today I learned a valuable lesson about how maximum weight capacities are in fact maximums.

Today I learned a valuable lesson from Mr. T. Afterwards, he tore off my mouth so I could never repeat it.

Today I learned a valuable lesson written on the back of naked mole rat about writing on naked mole rats.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that didn't even realize that it was already dead.

Today I learned a valuable lesson but no one cares anyway, do they?

Today I learned a valuable lesson in Esperanto. Now all I have to do is learn Esperanto and I will be set.

Today I learned a valuable lesson about how boring learning valuable lessons can be.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that is probably a lie but valuable all the same.

Today I learned a valuable lesson by distorting the reality of other human beings.

Today I learned a valuable lesson which is now in my head, trying to be unlearned.

Today I learned a valuable lesson with a little help from Johnny Five.

Today I learned a valuable lesson after this commercial break.

Today I learned a valuable lesson... NOT! APRIL FOOLS!

Today I learned a valuable lesson from the lyrics of punk rock songs.

Today I learned a valuable lesson which I will now share with you via coded eye-winking.

Today I learned a valuable lesson; if the guy on the infomercial looks like a snake oil merchant, he definitely is one.

Today I learned a valuable lesson which the rest of you already knew but never told me. Bastards.

Today I learned a valuable lesson which has doomed me to a life of professional atavism. No, not "activism"... "atavism".

Today I learned a valuable lesson that would break the heart of any person who wasn't Dolph Lundgren.

Today I learned a valuable lesson that challenges its own existence... TO A GRUDGE MATCH! THE GLOVES WILL BE OFF!